Hey, laura.
Hi.
I have an enormous favor To ask of you.
Yeah.
I realized i've been Walking around
With these letters in my pocket For the last three weeks,
And um, could you walk Around with them for awhile ?
Oh, well...
I have an appointment In three minutes
And was wondering if you could Drop these in the mail for me.
Oh.
Thank you.
Oh, dr. Katz-- And this one doesn't Have a stamp on it.
Oh, dr. Katz...
( Clear throat )
I'll do it, though. I owe you big time.
Hey, dr. Katz ? Yeah.
Um, i'm doing this "Walk for hunger" on saturday,
Mm-hmm.
And um, i was wondering if maybe You would sponsor me.
Cannot do that...
No, i'd be glad to help you In any way i can.
Great.
So whatever it is, i'm in.
All right.
That's a good cause.
It's uh, what is it again, "Walk for..." What ?
The "walk for hunger".
That is a great-- in fact, While you're out...
My cat's never been out Of my apartment.
So the first time i took him, I took him to the vet--
Mm-hmm.
Which was sort of Exciting for him.
But when you get to the vet, As a matter of course,
They take the cat's Temperature, anally.
Mm-hmm.
That was a surprise to me.
But it was a huge surprise To the cat.
You just sort of see From across the room,
The cat go, "huh ?"
And that's what they did The first time he's ever left My apartment...
The only time he's ever left My apartment.
That's what he thinks The outside world is.
Which makes me very Uncomfortable
Because he sees me leave The apartment every day.
Whenever i come home he's always Got this look on his face like,
"You like that ?"
My girlfriend, uh, fianc� She uh-- we adopted a dog
And the dog is depressed, We had to put the dog on prozac.
Well that's, that's unusual, But not unheard of.
She's just got problems.
And veterinarians don't talk To you like doctors,
They don't say what's wrong.
For instance, the dog had A knee problem.
Right.
When you go in with a dog They say, uh,
"Oh boy, i think your dog Might have a $400.
"But you should really Take care of it
"Because it could turn Into a $2,000."
Right.
Veterinarians have all this Technology that they can't use.
Mm-hmm.
Animals come in and They're like,
"We've just designed This new technique
"Where we can take A pig's liver
"And cut it into three and Put it into a schnauzer."
But then you bring a schnauzer In that needs a new liver
And they're like, "$12,000 ?!"
"What are you ? Out of your mind ?
"It's a schnauzer !"
Um... "Dad."
Oh, dad, Right, sorry.
Maybe i'll start calling You by your first name now.
Can i do that ?
It always bothered me
When kids called their parents By their first name.
I think it's a sign of A decaying relationship.
You think so ?
Yeah.
What if i give you A nickname like, "j.K."
I could live with that.
And how 'bout i call you, "I can live with that" ?
( Giggles )
Hey guess what ?
Let me give You a hint.
Laura's doing the "Walk for hunger" This saturday.
What is a "Walk for hunger" ?
I don't know. Really ? ( Laughs )
But i'm sponsoring her.
No, i'll tell you Something.
I hate these Bleeding hearts
Who go out and think They're doing something great
For the world.
Why are you so cynical All of a sudden ?
No, i mean, they're Just social events.
Just a bunch of Sad people
Who've got nothing Better to do than Help others.
Well, when you put it That way, yeah sure.
So how much did you Give laura, again ?
I think what i agreed to Was 20 bucks a mile
And it's a 20-mile walk But she'll uh...
Wait a second !
Wait... Twenty times...
Oh, my god !
Oh you didn't Do the math !
Well, i didn't-- i had no idea Laura was into charity stuff.
I mean if laura's Out doing it
There's no reason why I couldn't do it.
I think it'd be a wonderful, Wonderful gesture, ben.
And just the fact that you're Interested in doing it
Makes me very happy.
Well, i'm not interested In doing it yet.
I'm not really happy yet.
( Laughing ) Dad.
You know you can't just get out There and walk 20 miles.
You need to, Condition yourself.
20 miles dad, That's nothing.
I mean, how far can it be ?
Dr. Katz's office.
Laura.
Ben.
Yup, yes ma'am, How are we doing ?
Fine.
I was wondering actually if you Wanted to uh, get together sa--
Ooh, saturday i can't.
I'm doing a "walk for hunger" Thing, so i can't then.
But sunday-- You're doing the "Walk for hunger" ?
Oh yeah yeah yeah, I do it every year.
Oh. I mean i didn't do it Last year.
I don't think it existed Last year.
It did, I was there.
Oh, really ?
Why the sudden interest ?
Listen, ben has led a long And profitable life.
And there's a certain point Where you wake up and say,
"I'm gonna walk For hunger."
Your dad told you I was going.
Oh wait, you're-- laura, You're doing it too ?
Yeah.
Oh wow, what a coincidence. That's weird.
Oh, yeah, That's really weird.
You have sponsors yet, 'Cause i um--
Yes.
I have a whole bunch Of sponsors.
You do ?
I have a list of people I'm gonna contact.
How many do you Already have ?
I'm going for mostly major Corporate sponsors.
I'm sort of in a Different bracket.
You have no one, Do you ?
Well not yet, but i can Probably say, safely
That i will make, For the hungry people,
Over 3-million dollars.
I'm really uncomfortable With this whole
"Coming in here and Talking to you."
Y'know 'cause, i don't know If you know this doc, but
Therapy and black people Really don't go hand-in-hand.
We go to church.
Right.
It's cheaper.
Y'know, throw a dollar In the plate,
You say, "ahh, blah, Blah, blah, blah"
And then you're Outta there.
But i hope you feel like there Are things you can say to me
That you can't Say in church.
I'm really getting Ticked off
With this whole "Politically correct" thing.
Now, i always say "black."
I refer to myself as black, I'm a black woman.
'Cause it's not like "African-american"
Is making My life any easier.
Mm-hmm.
That's a bunch of crap.
Y'know, okay, we're gonna change The name of a group of people
And everything's cool now.
That's ridic-- you don't see Black people standing around
Going, "woooo-yeah ! Mmm mmm mmm.
"African-american !
"Man, this is sweet !"
So doc, i've been following This jonbenet ramsey case.
Now, i've learned a lot About this, because usually,
When a child is murdered The first thing that the cops do
Is they investigate The parents.
But in this situation the cops Wanted to talk to the ramseys
But they said "No thank you."
Now, i didn't know This was optional.
But usually the way it works When they want to talk to you
You try to Pull some stuff like,
"Man, i ain't Tellin' you-- ow-ow, sh...
Ow ow, hey ! Oh ow ow, hey, Okay, alright, okay."
But in this case the ramseys Said "we're busy."
And the cops said,
"Okay, we'll Talk to you later."
I guess they have to send them An invitation or something.
The ramseys have to Rsvp or something.
"Dear detectives,
Unfortunately, i will not be Attending your interrogation.
"Regretfully yours, The killers.
"Ooh, wait a minute, that's... The alleged killers."
Guess what i'm doing This weekend, man.
( Loudly ) What's that ?
You don't have to get excited Just 'cause i am.
I'm sorry, i'm sorry, What's that ?
I'm, uh, i'm doing the, The "walk for hunger".
Really ? Mm-hmm.
Actually, i was thinking i could Get you to sponsor me.
You want me To sponsor you ?
Well, i mean, um, i need to Get some sponsors
And i figured vic's video Could be one of them--
Oh, so you want the whole store To sponsor you ?
I could walk with a vic's Video signboard.
What would that cost Vic's ?
That would cost you 10 bucks a mile.
Ten bucks a mile ?!
Or i could wear a vic's video T-shirt for five bucks a mile.
'Cause, there's-- i know vic is Anti-charity, so he's-- There's no way.
But isn't it beneficial for a Company to give
A certain amount to charity 'Cause it's a tax write-off ?
I'll call vic. Hold on, I'm gonna call him.
No, you know what ? Don't call vic.
Why don't you just open the till And give me some cash ?
The till ? Yeah.
What do you think, this is like A country store or something ?
Let me ask you A question.
How much money do you skim, A week--
I don't skim. Off vic ?
I don't skim.
I'm just saying you must, I mean, you work with cash--
Yeah, i work.
Vic is never here.
I doubt he even Checks the books.
So, in the interest of doing Something really moral
You want me to Do something immoral.
I would say-- --That's
Let's skip the money for The "walk for hunger"
And just take some money.
Oh, now we're not even talking About the walk anymore ?
Yeah, screw the walk.
I've done that.
Have you done that ?
Ughh, i've done it.
I had the Worst blisters.
And i was so crabby By the time i was done.
I, i felt terrible once.
I had to ask the police to stop The "walk for hunger"
So i could cross the street.
Oh really ?
Yeah.
Well, there's usually one guy That walks against the crowd.
They call him "the salmon" I think.
The salmon.
And by the way, y'know, If you guys would like to,
I'm sure ben would be Delighted
If you would like to Sponsor him.
Oh yeah. Sure.
Are you kidding ?
Anything to not Have to do it.
Well, it's 20 miles.
So if you say you'll Sponsor him a dollar a mile...
Fine. A dollar a mile.
Stanley ? Stanley ?
Alright, uh uh uh, A buck a mile.
Okay, so that's 40 bucks right there.
Yeah, good.
Okay, i'd like to buy both of You a drink... For thirst.
Let's "drink For thirst."
"Drinking for thirst."
But it is amazing that In this country--
The most powerful and the Richest country in the world--
That kids go Hungry every day.
Ohh.
If only they'd take the time To have a snack.
Nice.
You know ?
Laura, check it out.
Are you going To the gym ?
No, this is my, uh, Walk outfit.
You bought an outfit ?
Yeah, i mean I borrowed.
I'm gonna return it... After, I, i leave the tags on.
The sweatsuit alone was Over $300.
I don't think you're supposed to Buy a $300-outfit
To wear to the "Walk for hunger."
Look, if you're a walker, You buy this.
( Sighs )
Look at the design though, Isn't it nice ?
It's, it's kinda sexy.
I sorta look like a pimp If i unzip, watch.
Huh.
Check this out, Mm ?
Those aren't those Tear-away ?
You're damn right They are, baby.
Please don't.
Aaaagghh ! Oh, ben.
So, um, have you found Somebody to walk with yet ?
Well, yeah, i'm walking With my two friends.
What are their names ?
Colleen and joanne.
Well, that's funny 'Cause i'm walking uh...
With scott... And larry.
Oh really ? Well great.
Have fun with Scott and larry.
Yeah, they're good guys.
They sound like Great guys.
Well, maybe the three of us And the three of you
Could get together-- Uh, no.
What time are you going To get there ?
Early, Really early.
Well, where will you guys be ?
Well, uhh...
Just walk with me, laura.
( Sighs ) Alright.
If you can find us You can walk with us.
Why don't we meet at the Registration table at 9:00 ?
Alright.
You know, laura, when We do get out there,
There's a pretty good chance That i'm going to finish Before you,
And i don't want you To feel bad.
I won't.
Because when i start to get Going and i get heated up,
My pace gets a little brisk.
I will probably leave The pack behind.
Yeah, but It's not a race.
It doesn't matter.
I swear to god i'm going To win this thing.
( Door opens )
Hello laura.
Hello.
Jon stewart, here for my 2:00 o'clock with dr. Katz.
Could you Have a seat, please ?
Uhhh, are you, Are you here first ?
'Cause i'm not--
Ohhh no, i'm not Here for the doctor...
Oh, no no no, It's okay.
I mean i-- look, i-- No, no, no.
You don't have to be Shy about that.
It's we all-- i mean People have problems.
No, no, i'm not, i'm not In therapy, at all.
Oh oh, no, me neither.
No, i'm not here-- well, I am here to see-- i'm not-- I'm his son. I'm i--
You're dr. Katz's son ?
You, you don't look Anything like him.
I, i know, i don't.
But i look more like My mom than i do him.
You look like him.
I, i look a Little like him.
Sort of.
Okay, then, if you want, I'll go with you.
I'm his son too.
Interfaith marriages is a-- It's a leap of interfaith.
Typically, it's not An easy thing to do.
An interfaith marriage Is complicated,
But i'm sure you've given it A lot of thought.
It's confusing... Yeah.
Guy comes down to earth and Takes your sins and dies
And comes back Three days later.
You believe in him, you get To go to heaven forever.
So how do you go from that To "hide the eggs" ?
Did jesus have A problem with eggs ?
Did he go, "yeah oh, by the way When i come back, uh,
"Y'know, if I see any eggs,
That whole Salvation thing is off".
I think that is Just one interpretation.
How many disciples did Jesus have ?
What'd he have, 12 ?
Yeah.
Followed him wherever he went... How annoying was that ?
You ever think he ever turned To them and just went,
"What ?!"
I-i don't really want To raise the questions,
I'd like-- i'd like you To raise the questions.
I'm just here to help you Get to know you.
Is there anything i can do At home for free
That would help me ?
Well, i think we talked About this last week--
Was this trying, Trying to...
Enjoy the day before The day takes over ?
You told me that, but i haven't Had the time to embroider it On a pillow.
I think that you're Making a mistake to think
That you're going to walk out Of here with some phrase
That's gonna magically cure All your problems.
That's not how Therapy works.
Are you sure ?
I'm almost sure that when i First started here you said
"We're gonna boil this All down to a phrase
That's gonna help you."
You hear what you Want to hear.
Hey, that's catchy !
My parents, they're So weird there.
It's like, i think they're so Old where they just,
They know nobody Else wants them.
So they're being nice To each other now.
Right.
It's sickening, like...
Y'know all Lovey-dovey, kissy-face.
Well that's sweet, wanda, That's very sweet.
Like my father now, He gives her flowers,
He holds the car door Open for her.
I'm not used to this.
I mean, i remember The good old days
When our mother used to have To run and dive in the car
Before my father'd take off.
That's sweet.
I think marriage is an Institution for raising kids.
Mm-hmm.
The kids, that's the glue, That's what keeps you together.
I notice that people Who have kids,
They always say The same thing,
"Hey look, you gotta have some Kids, gotta have some kids.
"Let me tell you now, kids, They're a lot of work
"But they're worth it".
Well, i noticed somethin'.
They never look you in the eye When they say that.
Right.
It's always, "hey, kids, They a lot of work.
"Y'know, but They're worth it."
Well, i hang out All the time,
I notice my friends Who have kids,
They never wanna go Anywhere with us.
We like, "hey come on, let's go To the club or something."
"Nah nah nah, y'know, "We can't go,
"We gonna stay here With the kids.
"Maybe uh, next week we can go Hang out or something.
"Wh-what, uh oh oh, you goin' On vacation next week ?
"Well isn't that nice ? That's sweet, that's nice.
"Where you goin' ?
"Ooh, jamaica !
"Yeah, jamaica, mmm-hmm.
"Yeah, you know we started To go last year,
"But uh, bobby here Needed braces.
"Uh, yeah, bobby, smile and Show them jamaica, baby, Go ahead."
Ben, where you been ?
I went to the uh, Grocery store.
Why did you drive To the grocery store ?
It's like a 10-minute walk. It would have been--
Why would i walk for 10 minutes To the grocery store, dad ?
Well, it seems like a good Opportunity to get some Exercise, tune up.
Tune up for what ? Oh for the-- oh for the walk.
Yeah.
Oh, well i'm trying to Save myself, dad.
Gotta rest the legs.
I wish you would start doing Some stretches, ben.
I'm worried about you, That's all.
Dad, take a good look at me, What do you see ?
I see an enthusiastic, healthy, 25-year-old do-gooder.
Okay, now squint.
Oh, my god !
Exactly.
What you need to do is You need to get pumped up,
You need to get The blood flowing-- No no no, No no no.
Quiet-- dad.
You need to do some Very gentle stretching.
You need to do some stretching Not so gentle.
This is how far I can bend over Right now...
Okay.
( Groans faintly ) That's... That's it.
You're actually standing up Perfectly straight, ben.
Really ? Yeah.
I went the wrong way.
( Chuckling ) Okay.
Just trust me, he sticks to you And you can't get him off.
He, he's just, y'know He just talks a lot.
Laura !
Oh god.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, i gotta get To my friend.
Hey !
Ben !
Hi, let me catch My breath for a sec.
Hey, i thought We were meeting
At the registration table At 9:00.
I was looking for the Registration table, I couldn't find it.
I just kept asking people.
Well that's-- that's odd Because this is the, um,
Probably the furthest point From it.
Oh, well--
So, i'm sorry i didn't get The proper introduction.
Yes, this is colleen and This is joanne.
Hi colleen, joanne, ben katz, Uh, big, big walker.
( Sighs )
I'll be your walking Companion for--
Ben, can you-- you know what, If you--
Laura, i'm trying to Get to know the ladies.
You know what, let's do Some warm-ups, huh ?
Actually ladies, Watch this.
I was practicing this This morning.
Just stick the butt out...
And then back in...
Then out... Ow, ow.
( Sighs )
Alright walkers, 30 seconds ! ( Crowd cheers )
Hey, you know, laura,
My dad said he was gonna meet us At the 15-mile mark.
Great. Alright, so what d'you Say we get started ?
Listen, i'm gonna stop at That convenience store, d'you Guys want anything ?
Ben, we just started walking.
Yeah, i know but i'm starving.
So, you want something or not ?
No.
Alright...
Laura, you have Five bucks on you ?
* I like coffee, I like tea *
Laura, now you say "I like coffee, i like tea."
No.
* I like coffee, I like tea *
Colleen ? Joanne ?
* I like walking For hungry *
* I don't know what I've been told *
( Heavy sigh )
* Let's go walking For hungry *
We've got 19 and a half Miles left,
Let's sing a little.
Guys, wait up, What's the rush ?
You don't have to Burn rubber.
Let's take it Down a notch, huh ?
Should have Paced myself, y'know,
I made the mistake of going a Little quick out of the gate.
Are you guys, Um, cramping ?
'Cause i got a Sharp abdominal pain.
( Sigh )
( Clapping ) Hey !
Daddy.
You can do it ben, c'mon.
Oh man.
Look at you.
Yeah, this is The 15th mile, right ?
Yes, 15 miles.
15 big ones.
How long have You been waiting ?
Well, i was 49 When the race began...
I'm sorry to make you wait, But i was pacing myself a lot.
Well, that's, That's a big part of it.
You have to learn How to pace yourself.
It was at, like, mile 10 When i started hallucinating.
Well.
That was pretty Embarrassing though
When that 68-year-old woman
Was helping me throw up And rubbing my back.
She took off, though.
Oh ben, the elderly Are so unpredictable.
But at mile 13 there was a great Indian place that i stopped at.
Yeah.
So, but, i'm pretty much Running last, right ?
Well... Uh, yeah.
But it's not A race, ben.
No, when the guy With one leg, whizzed by me--
Yeah.
That's a bad sign.
Hey, only five More miles to go.
No, i'm gonna, uh, Quit while i'm ahead at 15.
See, i think that, That would be A big mistake,
Because you've come this far, You've given this much.
Well, you know--
Why don't you Just regroup--
You're here, i'm here,
There's the car,
I mean everything is So perfect to leave now.
Yeah.
And my legs are Like egg noodles.
And i, y'know, to be quite Honest i don't have to finish.
You don't have to finish.
I would be just as Proud of you, if you quit.
Really ?
Well...
Maybe not Quite as proud.
Yeah, this is, You know what,
I think i bit off
More than i could Chew on this one, y'know ?
That's typically My strong suit.
I think you owe it to yourself And you owe it to your sponsors.
There are people Believing in you.
But you know what, what you can Do in this scenario is, um, lie.
Just say You finished ?
Yeah, because i mean, Who's gonna know ?
Everybody probably left.
Hey, there you are.
Laura ! Laura !
I was wondering What happened to you.
What are you doin' ?
I, i lost you At like, mile six.
Well, i came back To look for you.
Laura, that's so nice Of you to come back.
Yeah, where, where, Where are your friends ?
Well, you know we finished And they, they went home.
Really ?
So laura, you did uh, You did well.
You, you finished.
Yeah, i did.
That's great.
But, y'know, come on,
You only have Five miles to go, so--
No, you know what ?
I can't 'cause i got to, Um- i gotta break off
'Cause i have Another walkathon.
Come on, ben. Come on, ben.
I'm starting to think This is a failed effort.
I think you'll feel Better about yourself
If you finish This event.
Y'know, i think I need something
A little More inspiring.
I don't even think If martin luther king Was yelling next to me
I could make it For the next five miles.
Come on ben, let's go Before it gets dark.
I gotta sit For a minute.
No !
If you sit down, ben It's all over.
Laura, you get one arm.
Ugh.
Just put your other arm Over my shoulder, ben.
I'm sorry About the stench.
You guys know the "Fireman's carry" ?